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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487666">A World of Snow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoxelVirus/pseuds/VoxelVirus'>VoxelVirus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mari is an Angel like Kaworu, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Multi, Post-Third Impact, Reincarnation, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:02:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoxelVirus/pseuds/VoxelVirus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The events before the fabled Impact have long since been forgotten. No matter how hard anyone tries, nobody can remember the names or faces of the people that put forward their lives to stop the eradication of humanity against the Angels. A visit to the museum for a school project brings back painful emotions for Asuka, and Mari finally brings herself to ask Kaworu why Rei chose to sacrifice herself for another's happiness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu, Makinami Mari Illustrious/Shikinami Asuka Langley, Makinami Mari Illustrious/Souryuu Asuka Langley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room felt alive.</p><p>Foot traffic was heavy, people talking amongst themselves as they made their way through the halls of the museum. It was a cold day, and everyone’s choice of attire reflected that. Sprinkles of snow could be seen from the grand windows that decorated the hall.</p><p>One particular quartet of teenagers were making their way towards arguably the largest exhibit of the entire museum. They were here as part of a school project. As part of their class project, they all had to write an essay on the events of the Impact, much to the disdain of the young adults that all just wanted the school semester to be over already.</p><p>“Would it kill them to turn the heat up in here a little?!” Huffed Asuka, the fiery red-headed transfer student from Germany. She was still brushing specks of melting snow off her jacket and scarf as they walked.</p><p>“Now now, Asuka. Keeping the heat on all the time is expensive!” Mari chided, giving Asuka a little nudge with her elbow. </p><p><em> “Oh verpiss dich.” </em> Asuka hissed under her breath, rolling her eyes at the taller brunette.</p><p>“Are you cursing people in German again, Asuka?” Shinji asked, his signature dorky smile spread upon his face. It quickly turned into that of pain as Asuka proceeded to lash out at him, grabbing him by the ear and tugging.</p><p>“You would know, wouldn’t you, <em> dummkopf </em>?!” Asuka shouted, perhaps just a tad too loud for their academic environment. Mari adjusted her glasses and smiled awkwardly at the elderly lady that passed them by with a dirty look upon her face.</p><p>“We’re here.” Kaworu finally spoke for the first time since entering the building. Shinji had noticed how quiet Kaworu seemed to get, but chalked it up to the older boy just being in awe at the marvels the museum had to offer.</p><p>And they were standing right in front of the museum’s crown centerpiece.</p><p>Kept securely behind thick layers of glass in a temperature controlled environment was the calcified remains of a towering humanoid creature. Arms spread out as if it were crucified, the giant was surprisingly intact. Although it’s flesh had long turned to stone, you could make out the features of the terrible thing. It lacked eyes, and possessed a wicked toothy smile that unnerved just about anyone that looked at it. Besides it, hung up from multiple reinforced pulleys on the ceiling, was a double-bladed weapon that was big enough to be wielded by the creature.</p><p>“... This here is none other than one of the Evangelion specimens that have been excavated and recovered across the world.” Droned a nearby tour guide to a small crowd of people, some bored and some looking on in awe.</p><p>“As many of you probably already know, this specimen is unique in a number of ways. Firstly, it is remarkably well preserved. It almost looks as if it could move at any moment; as if it were still alive.”</p><p>Mari buried her hands in her jacket pockets, looking over at the redhead that stood next to her. Asuka seemed weirdly keen on playing with her phone, browsing the likes of social media as a means of distraction from the man’s droning.</p><p>“This specimen was found right here in Japan.” Continued the tour guide, “There are eight other known exact copies of this Mass Produced Evangelion spread throughout the world. Other major countries where copies have been found include the Americas and Germany.”</p><p>“Hey, there’s one in Germany, Asuka!” Shinji piped up, taking a momentary break from his notetaking. “Have you ever seen it in person?”</p><p>“Pfft.” Asuka tsked and rolled her eyes, pocketing her cellphone. “Of course I have, <em> dummkopf. </em> Our relic is one of Germany’s major prides.”</p><p>“Indeed. In part because of the believed theory that one of the famed Pilots was of German descent, correct?” Kaworu asked whimsically, offering the redhead a smile.</p><p>“Heyyy, you could’ve been a pilot!” Mari teased, poking the woman beside her. Asuka unfortunately didn’t seem to take too kindly to the jest. She began to walk off, headed further into the Impact exhibit.</p><p>“And give my life away, only to be repaid by being forgotten by history?!” Asuka retorted as she left, words laced with a strange amount of venom, even for someone like her. “As if.”</p>
<hr/><p>It didn’t take long for the rest of the group to catch up with the moody Asuka as she weaved her way through the foot traffic. The exchange student hated doing schoolwork related to the Impact. Something about the propagandized portrayal of the fabled Pilots saving the universe from total collapse left a sour taste in the woman’s mouth. Her stomach would twist into knots every time she had to write a stupid report or essay on the subject. A feeling of ennui that she just couldn’t shake, no matter how hard she tried.</p><p>Asuka paused, casting her gaze over towards a nearby exhibit. A big emboldened plaque made it very clear what it was displaying: Evangelion Unit-2… Or, rather, what little remained of it. It’s skull was absolutely massive, but unfortunately partially fractured on the side. The Evangelion, in life, seemed to have two sets of eyes. The left two were barely recognizable as eye sockets though, with the amount of broken bone there was. Next to it were several large plates of red faded armor pieces, found buried alongside the massive skull.</p><p>“I wonder what happened to the pilot?” Mused a nearby museum-goer.</p><p>Her friend shook her head, letting out a heavy sigh. “Well, who knows. With the condition this thing was found in, it looked like it was killed by… something. It’s pilot probably didn’t meet a happy end with it.”</p><p>Asuka swallowed dryly, fists clenching the hem of her jacket sleeves. Two words rang through her mind, fueled by utterly pure unadulterated hatred-</p><p>
  <b> <em>“How disgusting.”</em> </b>
</p><p>“There you are, Asuka!”  The sound of Shinji’s voice broke Asuka out of her stupor, the woman letting out a confused sound as the boy suddenly came up and touched her arm. “We were looking for you. If it’s alright with you, we should go look at the Lilith portion of the exhibit. I need some more info for my paper.”</p><p>Asuka shook the boy’s hand off her, letting out a nonchalant shrug. “Whatever. I already know all this stuff, anyway. I’m only here for you guys.”</p><p>“Ooh, look at you! So caring about your friends!~” Mari sing-songed, trying to squeeze the girl’s cheeks. Her hands were quickly batted away though. Mari visibly pouted, crossing her arms. “Awh, my princess is rejecting me.”</p><p>“Oh shut it, Four-Eyes.” Asuka replied, quickly taking the girl by the arm and beginning to drag her in the direction of the exhibit Shinji wanted to see. Kaworu and Shinji shot each other amused glances before following after the two lovebirds.</p>
<hr/><p>Saving the biggest for last, the quartet entered the large room containing the absolutely massive statue depicting the supposed savior of all life across the universe, Lilith. A being of womanly image, she took the form of a nude girl with short hair and faded red eyes. She was smiling, exuding a warm motherly aura about her that seemed to wash over anyone that gazed upon her. From her back sprouted long, almost skeletal-like jagged appendages that vaguely resembled the wings of an angel.</p><p>Lilith was depicted partially hunched over, smiling at the crucifix clasped in her hands. Said crucifix was said to represent humanity’s dying wish; the desire to keep living, even if all hope was lost. It was said that Lilith was so moved by humanity’s resolve, beholden to the brave chosen child pilots, that Lilith decided to spare humanity the fate of utter eradication. But in doing so, was forced to reset the world to a point where no one could recall the names or faces of the ones that had saved them.</p><p>“This statue is pretty cool.” Shinji said, scribbling more notes into his mini notepad. </p><p>“Oh come on, Shinji. Just admit that you have the hots for Lilith.” Asuka drawled dryly.</p><p>“W-Wh-?! No I don’t!” Shinji sputtered, his cheeks flushing as he frantically tried to defend himself. “I-I have Kaworu!”</p><p>“She <em> is </em> very beautiful, in all fairness.” Kaworu chuckled, looking up at the figure that towered over them. “No matter how you look at her, it is hard to deny that it feels like she’s always watching over everyone.”</p><p>“Talk about creepy.” Asuka said, furrowing her brows. “Are you always this cryptic even when you’re alone with Shinji, Angel-boy?”</p><p>Kaworu shook his head, that genuinely warm smile never once leaving his lips. “I am just stating what I’ve noticed.”</p><p>“You’ve felt it too, right princess?” Mari asked, looking over at her girlfriend curiously. “Whenever you’re reading or hearing stuff about the Impact, don’t you just… get this feeling in your gut? Like Lilith is really out there still somehow, watching over everyone left on the Earth.”</p><p>Asuka gawked like the brunette was crazy. “<em> Of course not. </em> I’m not some wackjob that thinks a Goddess, the literal savior of the human race, cares enough to give a shit about me.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, princess.” Mari wrapped her arm gently around Asuka’s shoulders, giving her a comforting little squeeze. Asuka seemed to shrink into Mari just a tad. “You’re worth more than you realize.”</p><p>“... Whatever. Are we done yet? I’m starting to feel cramped in here.” Asuka mumbled quietly, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck. Her neck was beginning to ache for some reason. It was probably thanks to all the nights spent hunched over at her desk studying, but it reminded her of the sting of her wrists all too much.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Mari nodded, looking over at Shinji and his boyfriend. “I think we’re gonna go on ahead. Meet you at the usual ramen joint for dinner?”</p><p>“Right!” Shinji affirmed. “Pork ramen with miso soup… I think I’m salivating already just thinking about it.”</p><p>Kaworu laughed in amusement. His partner was always an eccentric joy to be around. “Well then, shall we continue note taking for a little while longer, Ikari-kun?” He reached for the shorter boy’s hand, giving it a loving little squeeze. “The sooner we are done here, the sooner we can get that ramen for you.”</p><p>Shinji blushed but nodded, giving Kaworu a shy smile. “Yeah… Yeah, that sounds good to me.”</p><p>“We’ll see you guys at dinner~!” Mari waved with a jolly smile, beginning to lead her redheaded girlfriend towards the museum exit. She could tell Asuka was agitated, and something told her she needed a little calming down before they all reconvened for dinner.</p>
<hr/><p>It was midnight. Or almost, at least. Mari had long since lost track of time after the events of today. Dressed in her long pants, winter coat, and winter boots, she treaded out through the snow that almost seemed to glow under the shine of the bloodstained moon.</p><p>Up just ahead, Mari could see him - Kaworu. He sat serenely on the ground, wearing his usual attire unbothered by the weather. The snow in a small radius around him seemed to melt unnaturally, revealing unusually green and alive grass underneath.</p><p>“Hoi.” Mari greeted as she approached. She plopped down besides the white-haired albino, in the area devoid of snow. She could feel the heat radiate off him. “Sorry for draggin’ ya out here at this hour. You probably want to get all the time you can get with puppy boy.”</p><p>“It is quite alright.” Kaworu replied in his usual distant tone, gaze cast upwards towards the bloodstained moon shining above. “The moon is beautiful tonight, so I hardly mind coming out here to witness it.”</p><p>“Yeah, it really is, huh?” Mari looked up and adjusted her glasses. “Usually you can’t see it that well from here. Nor is it usually so bright.”</p><p>“Indeed…” Kaworu hummed, finally prying his gaze away from the moon to look over at the brunette. “What did you wish to speak about?”</p><p>“I think you already know the answer to that one, Kaworu.” Mari replied. “After today… After seeing the statue of Lilith - of <em> Rei </em> again, I just wanted to ask… Why?”</p><p>“You’ll have to be more specific than that, Mari-chan.”</p><p>“You were dead set on being the one that statue would have depicted. And you were this close to having it come true - but Rei stopped you. She took your place in the end.”</p><p>“Do you think that is a bad thing, Emissary of Lilith?” Kaworu asked, his interest seemingly piqued by the other’s prodding questions.</p><p>Mari raised a brow, shaking her head in response. “That’s not what I meant. I just never found out her reasoning behind it. And it’s not exactly like I can go and ask her now. You were probably one of the last people to ever communicate with Rei while she still had some semblance of coherent humanity left in her.”</p><p>“Yes, that is correct.” Kaworu replied, seeming to appreciate Mari’s astute logic. “I was one of, if not the last to communicate directly with the entity known as Rei.” He cast his gaze back up towards the shining sky, stars twinkling brightly.</p><p>“When I told her I was prepared to reset everything if it meant that Shinji-kun got the chance to be happy, she told me that I shouldn’t be the one to make that sacrifice.” He explained, voice calm as ever. “She told me that she could see just how much Shinji-kun loved me, and how much I loved him in return. She didn’t think it would be right to take me away from him. A little ironic, really, given how if it were Rei in my place now - I have the suspicion that Shinji-kun would have eventually fallen for her as well. He was clearly fond of her, as was she fond of him.”</p><p>Mari listened, biting her lower lip as she did. Mari could never let it show, <em>especially</em> around the likes of Shinji and Asuka, but the outcome of the Third Impact had always bothered Mari. Sure, this was just another timeline among countless others, but what mattered to them was the present - what was happening in <em>this</em> timeline, and how it would affect everyone’s long term happiness.</p><p>“... Unrelated,” Mari began after a long period of comfortable silence between the two. The brunette joined the other in gazing at the beauty of the moon; both transfixed by this overwhelming feeling that Rei was watching and smiling upon them. “But do you think they’ll ever remember?”</p><p>“... I don’t know.” Kaworu replied solemnly. “It… might be for the best if they never do. I don’t know how they’d handle it, especially Shinji-kun.”</p><p>“It’s just <em> wild, </em>” Mari said. “That the likes of Asuka turned out hating herself even more after the Third Impact. Even I’m surprised that was even possible. She’ll never admit it to my face, but I know she can sense Rei’s presence. And I think she hates it. She thinks that Lilith has some kind of vendetta against her, when in reality Rei loved her more than she could have realized.”</p><p>“To accept love from others, one must learn to love one’s self.” Kaworu smiled wearily, sparing a glance in Mari’s direction. His eyes seemed to sparkle, moonlight caught in his irises that revealed the unnatural hue of Angelic blood red. “I think you of all Angels would know that the best, Emissary.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Guess I Won't Be Coming To Church On Sunday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shinji has a talk with his guardian Misato, and Asuka goes to the ends of the Earth to bury her problems. Again.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The door slid open. In stepped Shinji Ikari, the teenage boy greeted by the all too familiar aroma of cooked chilli and burnt food. Shinji looked down at his watch, shoulders dropping as he realized that he was indeed too late to beat Misato to cooking dinner. He knew what that meant. He’d have to try and stomach Misato’s questionable cooking again.</p>
<p>“I’m home!” Shinji called, shutting the door behind him and depositing his bag by the door as he removed his shoes to be placed next to Asuka’s.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Misato’s response to echo back from the kitchen in between the clatter of dishes. “Welcome back, Shinji!”</p>
<p>Shinji followed the source of the smells to the kitchen, finding Misato grabbing dishes from the drying rack for the three of them to eat with. “I was just about to give your cell a ring. It’s not like you to stay out this late.” She said, looking over her shoulder to give the boy a teasing eye, “Were you spending time with Kaworu-kun again?”</p>
<p>Shinji was quick to avert his gaze. Misato loved to tease him about his feelings for Kaworu, something about it being ‘absolutely adorable’.</p>
<p>“So what if I was?” He asked, grabbing a drink from the fridge, watching as Pen-Pen poked his head out of the freezer to greet the boy. Shinji took a seat at the kitchen table. “I like spending time with him.”</p>
<p>“I just think it’s cute.” Misato shrugged, stirring the ‘homemade’ chili that seemed just a tad too thick for it to have been cooked correctly. “Two birds in love~ You’re almost as bad as Asuka and Mari.”</p>
<p>“Where is she, anyway?” Shinji asked, glancing over his shoulder in the direction of Asuka’s room. He could see the door was closed. “Asuka, I mean. I saw her shoes, so she must be home.”</p>
<p>“Working on homework. Something about that paper on the Impact being due on Monday.”</p>
<p>“Really? Usually she gets homework done first thing. It’s not like her to wait until the last minute to do her schoolwork…” Shinji trailed off, reminded of all the times that Asuka had received homework and had it done within the day. He was a little envious of her ability to speed through a lot of their work. It made sense, though. She was highly intelligent for her age.</p>
<p>“Well,” Misato let out a resigned sigh, grabbing several beer cans from the fridge and setting them on the table. “You know how Asuka is. She dreads anything and everything to do with the Impact.” She cracked open one of the beer cans, taking a hearty swig of it before continuing, “And frankly? I can’t blame her.”</p>
<p>“I wonder why…” Shinji mumbled, lightly swishing the liquid in his cup. “I could never bring myself to ask her. She doesn’t like people prying into her past like that, unless you’re Mari.”</p>
<p>“Who knows.” Misato shrugged. “It’s a source of anxiety for a lot of people. Not knowing who or what you were before the Impact changed everything. We all could’ve been god-awful people before and we wouldn’t even know.” Another swig of her alcohol. It was true, this was a source of anxiety for a lot of people. Herself included, earnestly speaking.</p>
<p>“And that’s why you helped found WILLE.” Shinji said, mimicking his guardian in taking a sip of his own drink. “To help mankind discover our history and what the Evangelions had to do with it. Right?”</p>
<p>“Mm. Something like that.” The older woman’s face was already beginning to flush from the alcohol consumption. “I swear, my job would be a lot easier if we could just find one person that has some inkling of what happened to those kid pilots.” She crushed the now empty beer can, tossing it into the nearby trash can. “Who does that Lilith think she is, anyway?! Taking all of our memories away like that. What gives her the right!”</p>
<p>Shinji let out an awkward chuckle. Misato always got like this when intoxicated - that’s to say, quite often. She worked long hours full time at Japan’s WILLE branch as one of its founders and was always keen on enjoying one too many alcoholic drinks whenever she had the chance.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. It might be stupid, but I’m willing to trust Lilith knew what she was doing when she chose to reset everything.” Shinji meekly replied.</p>
<p>“Still not much of an <em>excuse.</em>” Misato retorted, turning to attend the chili. She began shoveling the chili into the bowls one by one, completely unphased by the distinct ‘slop’ sound they made when they fell into the bowls. The woman couldn’t see it, but Shinji’s eye was twitching at the thought of having to consume her cooking.</p>
<p>The deed done, Misato brought two bowls over to the table. One for Shinji and one for Asuka. “Shinji, go tell Asuka it’s time for--”</p>
<p>She was cut off by the sound of the front door sliding open and closed. The visitor soon made themselves clear - it was none other than Mari, dressed in casual winter attire. “Hellooo, Misato and puppy boy~!”</p>
<p>“Mari?” Shinji gawked. “What are you doing here-”</p>
<p>“And how did you GET IN?!” Misato interrupted, a half-furious half-drunken expression etched upon her face.</p>
<p>“Whoops, did Asuka forget to tell you?” Mari smiled, twirling a small set of jingling keys on her finger. “She gave me a key to the house. You know, just in case.”</p>
<p>Now it was turn for Misato’s eye to twitch, the woman utterly dumbfounded by this. Shinji, on the other hand furrowed his brows trying to figure out what she meant by <em>‘just in case’.</em> “What for…?”</p>
<p>“Oh you know, girl things.” Mari replied simply, pocketing the keys and making her way over to the dinner table. She eyed the plate of chili that lacked someone sitting in front of it. “Is this one for Asuka?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I was just about to--”</p>
<p>“Thanks!” Mari grabbed the bowl and silverware without a second thought, proceeding off in the direction of Asuka’s room. “See ya!”</p>
<p>Shinji could only stare as she disappeared around the corner. Misato sighed, taking a heavy seat at the table. She cracked open another can of beer, taking a mighty swig of it. “I swear, kids tell you <em>nothing</em> these days.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mari knocked softly at Asuka’s door. It was only when she heard the woman on the other side go <em>“It’s open”</em> did the brunette finally open the door, stepping into the darkened room and shutting the door behind her. Asuka sat at her desk, the room dark save for the illumination of her laptop screen and a small desk lamp that allowed her to see what she was reading.</p>
<p>Asuka groaned, leaning back in her seat as Mari came up besides her. “Misato’s cooking again?”</p>
<p>“Misato’s cooking again.” Mari echoed back with a hint of amusement to her tone, placing the bowl of sloppy chili on the desk. She could practically <em>feel</em> Asuka’s disgust.</p>
<p>“Figures.” Asuka grumbled, pushing the bowl off to the side a bit. Food could wait, <em>especially</em> if it was something that Misato cooked up.</p>
<p>“So, how’s the work going?” Mari asked, taking a step back to sit upon the edge of Asuka’s neatly made bed. “Still working on that paper about the Impact?”</p>
<p>All Mari got back in response from her girlfriend was an indifferent grunt, the redhead flipping through the pages of her book titled <strong>‘THE IMPACT’S LONG TERM EFFECTS: A 2020 INTROSPECTIVE”</strong></p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a yes.” Mari noted, watching the woman and how her brows knitted together as she gazed over the words of her book. The brunette was no idiot; she could clearly tell that Asuka was very hung up on the subject of the Impact. She always had been, ever since she awoke from that foggy dream-like haze years ago. What was catching Mari’s attention, however, was that she seemed even <em>more</em> agitated than usual about it. The project was due tomorrow, and from the looks of it Asuka had barely even started.</p>
<p>Mari got back onto her feet, rejoining Asuka at her side to peer over what she was reading. “Come on, princess. Don’t leave in the dark here-”</p>
<p>“Quiet for a sec, Four-Eyes.” Asuka deadpanned, not taking her eyes off the pages. “I’m trying to think.”</p>
<p>Ah, yes. Mari knew that kind of response well. That was Asuka-speak for <em>‘don’t go any further, I’m already pissed’.</em> Mari hummed whimsically, responding by going over behind the redhead and beginning to massage her shoulders. She could feel the knots in them well.</p>
<p>“Come on, Asuka. I’m not <em>that</em> stupid. Talk to me about it.” Mari said, voice softening for a moment after a brief pause. “... I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me about it.”</p>
<p>There was a heavy silence from Asuka. Finally she flipped her book shut, sending a resounding ‘thunk’ through the room. With a disgruntled sigh she placed the book back on the desk in front of her. “I’m stuck, okay? There. I said it. I’m having trouble.”</p>
<p>“With…?”</p>
<p>“This whole Impact bullshit!” Asuka burst out, throwing her hands into the air. Mari had to quickly dodge to avoid being smacked in the face by her overly enthusiastic girlfriend. “I hate everything to do with it! And I hate that I have so much trouble with it! I just want to get it over with so I can go back to the trivial mathematics and biology crap!”</p>
<p>“Hey now,” Mari spoke calmly but firmly, taking Asuka’s hand gently with her own. Despite Asuka’s agitation, she didn’t pull away. It was their little way of touching bases; beginning the process of calming down and coming back to one’s senses. “I’m right here, princess.”</p>
<p>Asuka refused to meet her girlfriend’s gaze, utterly frustrated with her own behavior. Why was she acting like this? Why did it feel like these feelings refused to go away after their visit to the museum? It shouldn’t have been as difficult as she was making it.</p>
<p>“Ever since we went to the museum, I just can’t shake this… feeling.” Asuka finally admitted. “It’s like something lingering in the back of my mind and it won’t leave me alone. It feels like… like…”</p>
<p>“... Like you can’t remember something important?” Mari inquired.</p>
<p>“... Yeah, that.”</p>
<p>“I can’t say I’m surprised, princess.” Mari gave Asuka’s hand a little comforting squeeze, a reminder that she was still there. “It’s not unusual for people to get that feeling these days. Not even Lilith is perfect at wiping people’s memories.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t it just piss you off?” Asuka returned the gesture, squeezing Mari’s hand in turn. “That Lilith had the audacity to just… <em>do</em> that. She took everything away from us. Let us loose in a world where we had no idea who we were and expected us to just <em>deal with it.</em> I can’t stand not knowing.”</p>
<p>This was pulling at Mari’s heart strings. Deep down, there was a small part of the Emissary that wanted to tell Asuka the truth. About everything. Tell her that she isn’t crazy for having these feelings, that <em>she was</em> one of the legendary pilots that saved the universe.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t. Not yet. And she was having trouble stomaching the idea that the truth was beginning to unravel at the seams before her very eyes. She was powerless to do anything.</p>
<p>“... I’m here for you.” Was all Mari could bring herself to say. There was no <em>‘it’ll get better soon.’</em> She had a feeling it wouldn’t.</p>
<p>“... Thanks.” Asuka replied softly. She hated to admit it, but that little outburst did seem to make her feel a little better. It helped to vent, to have someone listen and give a damn about her. Asuka leaned over, kissing Mari’s cheek gingerly. Naturally, Mari wasn’t one to settle for just the bare minimum. She quickly cupped the redhead’s cheek, planting a proper kiss to her lips. Asuka didn’t complain - she <em>loved</em> it.</p>
<p>The moment was long and loving. When the pair finally parted, they revelled in the peace that seemed to wash over the both of them. To an outsider their chemistry may have been surprising, but it was clear as day that they were meant for each other. They enabled each other’s silly shenanigans, and were always there for one another when the going got hard.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I got to kiss you before you ate Misato’s slop.” Mari teased, finally breaking the silence between the two. Asuka scrunched up her nose, pushing back the now laughing Mari onto her bed.</p>
<p>“<em>Dummkopf.</em>”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I ended up vibing with this concept a lot so this is no longer a one-shot! Wowee!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. To Be Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asuka sees what she fears most. Kaworu is growing increasingly concerned.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was finally time to get this damn project over with.</p><p>Asuka flicked through her notes, trying to block out the noise of all the other students around her getting settled in for class. With the help of a certain someone the night prior, the German exchange student was able to scrape together something passable for the upcoming oral report on the Impact. She wasn’t one to admit it so openly, but Asuka really wondered where she’d be without the help of Mari sometimes. The woman just always seemed to know exactly what to say; knew exactly how to bring her down back to Earth when it all seemed impossible.</p><p>But <em>for Heaven’s sake,</em> not even Mari would be able to help block out the incessant chattering of her classmates.</p><p>Asuka looked up from her handwritten notes just in time to see Kaworu and Shinji pass by her, the two of them headed for their respective seats. She managed to briefly catch Shinji’s concerned gaze, his silent expression practically screaming, <em>“Are you gonna be okay?”</em></p><p>Damn him and damn this project. She was going to do perfectly.</p><p>Eventually, class was finally in session. The teacher took a head count, briefly noting that Mari Makinami Illustrious seemed to be absent for class today. Asuka glanced over her shoulder at Kaworu, who only gave her a warm smile in return. Mari had things to attend to. Class was merely a distraction, it seemed.</p><p>“Absences aside, I hope everyone has prepared for their oral reports today?” The teacher asked the class at large. Quiet mutterings echoed back, which the teacher merely acknowledged with a nod. “Wonderful. Let us begin.” His gaze scanned the class, landing on the redhead seated up front. “Asuka? Your reports are always wonderful. Let’s start with you.”</p><p>Dutifully the young woman stood up. She could feel the gazes of her classmates follow her as she made her way up to the front of the classroom. In her hand was a sheet of paper containing brief references for her report. Asuka had insisted that she didn’t really <em>need</em> any form of notes for this type of stuff - she had a fantastic memory and all - but Mari insisted. Something about being useful for helping steady yourself when you get nervous.</p><p>The redhead had scoffed at the idea. When did <em>she</em> ever get nervous?</p><p>“<em>Guten morgen,</em> everyone. I’m Asuka Langley, and today I’ll be giving my oral report on the Impact.” Asuka held herself high, words spilling from her lips like practiced clockwork. It was clear she had done this plenty of times before. From the back of the classroom, Shinji looked on in anticipation. Kaworu’s expression remained neutral as ever. He watched her closely. Curiously.</p><p>“As we all know, the Impact occurred approximately five years ago. Though surviving evidence is hard to come by, we’ve been able to ascertain with what little we do have that the ground zero for this cataclysmic event was right here in Japan.” The shattered remains of two Evangelions. One of which she had the misfortune of seeing in person at the museum the other day.</p><p>“Although the Impact was a mass-extinction event, mankind was spared destruction through the prowess of the <em>Evangelions.</em> Massive creatures of destruction themselves, each Evangelion was controlled by a designated pilot.”</p><p>Asuka glanced down at the paper held in her hand as she spoke, her gaze briefly fixating on the little barely legible note of encouragement that Mari had left her the night prior:</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“I’m sure you’ll do great! (^^)ｂ”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>She could practically hear the British woman’s voice in her head, spewing that neverending enthusiasm at her. It was comforting, <em>familiar.</em> A serene feeling washed over Asuka, as if trying to coax her forward-</p><p>“Asuka?”</p><p>She froze.</p><p>She did not recognize that voice. Compared to Mari’s, it was almost <em>ear-piercing.</em> It was foreign, distant, something she hated with every fiber of her being. Time seemed to slow to a crawl, Asuka’s eyes widening as she tilted her head up to look towards the source of the voice.</p><p>Standing at the very back of the classroom was a figure. A short, petite girl. Short blue hair, red piercing eyes. Eyes that seemed to gaze right through Asuka. Unearthly, ethereal. They searched through her, grasping for a response.</p><p>All the redhead could do was stare. Any words she wanted to say seemed to die in her throat. The hand which held her notes began to tremble as Asuka tried desperately to make sense of what she was seeing. What she was <em>feeling.</em> This did not go unnoticed by her teachers and classmates, who all seemed a little puzzled at her sudden lull in her report.</p><p>“Asuka?” The teacher spoke quietly, trying to get some sort of reaction out of her. It was all for naught though; she was solely fixated on the mysterious girl at the back of the room. A beat of silence. Kaworu let out a quiet hum, gently tapping his fingertips rhythmically upon his desk. Music, rhythm, the ultimate creation of all Lilim -</p><p>The red eyed girl spoke once more, this time with a growing sense of urgency to her otherwise emotionless voice.</p><p>“Asuka -” Every syllable stung, sending a shooting pain through her right arm. It was like a cascading waterfall, suddenly everything was so <em>loud -</em></p><p>“Langley <em>Soryu-</em>”</p><p>“STOP!” Asuka shrieked, clamping her hands against her ears and shutting her eyes tight. She didn’t want to see her, didn’t want to hear her speak. It was too much. “STOP!”</p><p>This sent the classroom and teacher into a state of confusion. Some looked around, trying to find the source of what seemed to be so deeply bothering her. When there appeared to be nothing, the teacher reached out to try and lay a calming hand upon Asuka’s shoulder. “Miss Langley, what’s wr-”</p><p>But he never got the chance to finish. The touch of another human being was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Asuka made a run for it, overtaken by her panicked frenzy. She flung open the door and was gone in an instant down the empty school hallway.</p><p>“Asuka!” Came the worried voices of Shinji and the class representative, Hikari Horaki. The two exchanged worried glances, and between the two of them Hikari was the one to speak up first.</p><p>“I’m going to go make sure she’s okay.” Hikari said, making her way towards the door to try and catch up with the exchange student. “Sorry, excuse me!”</p><p>The rest of the classroom could only stare in disbelief at what had just occurred. Worried mumbles began, people already beginning to speculate what had caused the woman’s sudden meltdown. Shinji let himself fall defeatedly back into his seat, looking towards the seat of his partner for some sort of reassurance.</p><p>But all he found was Kaworu sitting still as ever, brows uncharacteristically knitted together into a look of sheer <em>worry.</em> Something was very, very wrong. </p><p>The rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur. Shinji was practically beside himself with worry and Asuka didn’t attend the rest of her classes for the day. Hikari had found her buckled over in the women’s restroom, incessantly begging for the voice to stop and leave her alone. Begging for the phantom pains that seemed to wrack her body to stop. Usually a strong, confident woman with a fiery spark to her, she was now nothing more than an inconsolable heap.</p><p>In-between classes, Kaworu politely pardoned himself. Fishing his cellphone out from his pocket, he brought up his text conversation with Mari. The text he sent was brief and strangely pressing for someone like him.</p><p>
  <em>“We must meet after school, Mari-chan. It’s urgent.”</em>
</p>
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